The chiming clock announced it was time to leave for church, and I was far from ready. Seeing my crazed preparations, my husband offered
to iron my clothes for me. Our 3-year-old daughter, the connoisseur of conversation, approached him.
“Are you ironing your shirt, Daddy?” she asked.
“No, I’m ironing Mommy’s shirt.”
“Oh, did you think it was your shirt?” A small giggle escaped her lips. “That’s silly.”
“No, I knew it was Mommy’s shirt,” he said.
A puzzled expression crossed my daughter’s face. “Then why are you doing that?”
“Because your mommy is a special person, and I like to help her,” he answered.
“Oh,” she happily replied, then skipped out of the room. “I’m going to go help my brother.”
Be an Example
As our children’s first teachers, we know that little eyes keep track of our every move. Even as you complete the most mundane tasks
around the house, your kids are watching. Later, you may find your little imitator chattering into a plastic phone, cooking up meals in
toy pots or pounding with “tools.”
We know that our children imitate not only our actions, but our attitudes. And that can have its downside. We’ve all had those “Oh no”
moments when we hear our children scold their siblings or friends in a tone we know they learned from us. But on the positive side, that
same propensity to imitate can serve us well as we try to model, and in turn teach, an attitude of kindness and cheerful servanthood.
We all try to do nice things for our spouses and children. But even more important than what we do is how we act. The difference between
“doing things” and “serving others” is a matter of attitude.
Think about the last time you cooked a meal or folded laundry. How did you feel about serving your family in this way? Were you glad to
do it or did you feel resentful that you were stuck with this mundane chore? Naturally, none of us has a cheerful servant’s heart all day,
every day. But if we want our children to willingly reach out to others and show kindness and compassion, it’s essential that they see us
doing the same.
Make the Connection
To translate your example of servanthood into something your child can start doing intentionally, you’ll need to help your child make the
connection between action and attitude.
Your always-observant preschooler may seem to be an endless source of questions and curiosity. You can take advantage of her
inquisitiveness to teach kindness. When she asks, “What are you doing?” instead of answering “I’m cooking,” say, “I’m making dinner for
you and Daddy because I love you.”
Instead of saying “I’m working on the car,” answer, “I’m fixing a problem so our family will be safe.” This shows your child that what
you do is not as important as the people you’re doing it for.
Grab the Moment
Don’t limit your service to home. Take your caring attitude wherever you go. Hold the door open for strangers, offer your seat on a
crowded bus or help the church nursery teacher clean her room. Whenever possible, encourage your children to do these things as well.
Point out how nice it feels to help someone. Later in the day, remind your child how kind it was of him to hold that door or give up that
seat. You can even talk about the experience with others—Dad, Grandma, Aunt Cathy—to further reinforce your child’s kindness.
To help turn these experiences into true character development, you’ll need to spend some time talking about what your child is
discovering through his acts of cheerful service. In 7 Things Kids Never Forget (Multnomah), Ron Rose says, “Work with your children on a
service project, any kind that helps other people. Take pictures during the project. Then use the pictures to review the time. Ask ‘what’
questions such as ‘What was happening here?’ and ‘What were the people feeling?’ The goal is to focus on a shared experience of caring
for other people.”
While your child might find plenty of opportunities for showing kindness to people in your community, even the most caring child can
struggle to be kind at home. Help your child understand that serving others includes family. Find projects you can do together to help
other family members. Have her help you pull weeds in the garden, take out the trash or bake cookies for a special treat. Talk about how
special it is to be part of a family and how working together and helping each other make a family stronger. Reward your child with hugs and praise for a job well done.
The Impact of Encouragement
When your kids do show evidence of kindness in their actions toward others, you can reinforce these characteristics through encouragement.
In his book Hugs for Mom
(Howard Publishing), John William Smith illustrates the importance of encouragement. He says, “Watch your
children’s backs straighten, their eyes brighten, their work improve, their lives change and their love deepen—all because you have
imparted courage to them by your words.”
Let your children know their efforts also please God. Look up Colossians 3:23 and read it with them: “Whatever you do, work at it with
all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.” Explain that when we do something kind for others, it makes God glad and shows him
how much we love him.
Remember, kind and loving behavior does not come naturally. Be patient with your children as they learn to see the needs of others. Help
them learn to serve with a cheerful heart through your own loving attitude. Whether you’re ironing shirts or making peanut butter
sandwiches, let your children see that your actions are based on love. And before long, you’ll see them putting their love into action,
too.
Nurturing Helpful Hearts
- Read a story about people who have helped each other (try Mark 2:1-5).
Point out to your kids how kind and loving behavior is
appreciated.
- Make one evening a week “Share-the-Load Night.”
Tackle household projects together like washing the dishes, stacking wood or helping the children clean their rooms.
- When you find litter in a public place, encourage your child to help you pick it up.
Explain that you’re providing a clean area for others to enjoy.
- Make helping each other fun.
With younger children, take turns buttoning each other’s coats. Let older children rake the yard together and jump in the leaves all
they want.
- Have a “Big Helper” contest.
Make a simple chart and keep track of family members who have helped each other. At the end of the week, reward all helpers with a
family prize such as an ice-cream outing.
- Help your child create “Serving Coupons” to give as gifts.
A younger child could include coupons for helping Mommy sweep. An older child could offer coupons good for walking the dog or
reading a story to his little sister.
- Each morning, encourage your children to think of one way they can help someone else during the day.
At bedtime, talk about their acts of service and thank God for the specific ways they helped.
- Remind your child that praying is also a form of helping.
In situations when we can’t physically assist others, we can ask God to help in his own special way. Teach your child that God is
the best helper of all.
About The Author:
Tricia Goyer is the author of From Dust and Ashes:,
Night Song,
and Dawn Of A Thousand Nights.
She is also a freelance writer, children’s church leader and the mother of three. Visit her at: TriciaGoyer.com
(This article was originally published in Christian Parenting Today.)
* This article is available for your publication, for a F-E-E.
This article may NOT be reprinted without monetary compensation and written permission from the author.
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