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My husband, Ron, admits that he used to be jerk, but I discovered a secret formula that turned him into a loving husband: I started
treating him like a VIP! Ron always wanted me to respect him, but I mistakenly thought he had to earn it and I had to feel it, before I
could do it. Wrong.
We women are very good at pointing out our husbands’ faults and failures and punishing them for not meeting our needs, but that only
leads to discontent and distance in our marriages. We all know that yelling, nagging, and belittling are disrespectful and ineffective.
So I’m suggesting a radical concept: Treat him like a king, and eventually, he will begin to treat you like a queen.
Instead of waiting for him earn your respect, behave respectfully and watch him grow into the man God designed him to be.
Twenty five years ago, our marriage was on the brink of divorce. I was controlling, critical and disrespectful so Ron was defensive and
angry. We were both Christians but neither of us was living a sprit-filled life. I was letting my emotions determine my actions and
thought it was Ron’s job to make me happy. But through a series of miracles (read my book for the whole story) we made a decision to
rebuild our marriage.
We went to a Christian counselor who read Ephesians 5:33 “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as
himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” and said “Nancy, the only way you will win Ron back and stay married
is if you begin to respect your husband.” I knew he was right so I swallowed hard and came up with a plan.
Here are three of the ways I began to respect Ron: They are easy to remember because they spell out the goal—to treat him like a V.I.P.
Respect him verbally, intellectually, and physically.
Verbally
Cut out (ok…cut back) complaining and add in compliments.
If you want to have a peaceful, happy marriage, learn the art of the compliment. Compliments are like magnets and the more you
compliment your husband the more he will be attracted to you. Begin to notice when he does it right and verbally encourage him by
complimenting him at least once a day. If you are having a hard time thinking of anything to admire, consider these categories: physical
traits, mental skills, financial strengths, spiritual growth, or healthy relationships with others (children, parents, or friends).
You may be asking “Hey, why should I compliment him when he NEVER compliments me?” Because, if you want your marriage to grow and bloom,
you’ll have to water it with kindness and encouragement. Then, as he sees your sincere efforts, he will begin to change too. Don’t give
up.
If you do need to bring up a difficult issue, place it between two compliments, also known as a “Compliment Sandwich.” Here’s an example,
“Honey, I know how hard you work for our money and that Sally’s braces will be expensive, but I need your decision before her appointment
tomorrow. I hope we can do this for her, but if you want to wait, I trust your judgment. What should I tell the orthodontist? ”
Intellectually
Men like to solve problems and fix things. So appeal to his intelligence by asking him to help you solve a problem. Instead of saying
“Clean up your camping stuff, this garage is a mess!” Try, “I’d like your help with something. Could you figure out a storage system for
all the camping supplies?”
Don’t imply that he isn’t smart. Instead of saying “I think you are wrong about….” Say, “I’m confused about…please explain it again.”
(Remember to keep your tone of voice free of sarcasm.)
Ask for his help on Spiritual matters too. Ask him to explain a passage of Scripture or ask him to pray for you when you are going
through a difficult time. If your husband is not the spiritual leader in your home, continue to pray for him and ask him if there is
anything you are doing that is hindering his relationship with God.
Men don’t give a lot of weight to feelings—show them facts and they’ll be more likely to listen. For example: if he wants to buy a car
that you think is too expensive, don’t launch into a hissy-fit, write out your monthly expenses and ask him what other things should be
cut out in order to buy his car. Let the facts speak for you.
When you cannot reach an agreement, instead of trying to wear him down by nagging or crying ask him, “Is that your final decision or can
I still try to convince you? If it’s his final decision, then honor it. It’s freeing—let him carry the responsibility of your family.
Physically
Physically-ask what he would like you to do and then, do it. Find out what his top three needs are. Ron likes the laundry done, sex
twice a week (guaranteed!) and he likes me to keep my “girly-make-up stuff” off of the bathroom counter. If these top needs are met,
he’s content and easy to get along with. I know it sounds simple, but each of us have different things that make us feel loved and
appreciated. You won’t know what he wants unless you ask him.
Be aware of your body language. You can communicate disrespect by rolling your eyes, crossing your arms, or slamming doors. Reflect
your new decision to respect your husband in your heart, mind, and body.
Change your attitude and actions
Respect is both a verb and a noun: an action and an attitude so begin today to respect your husband in thought, word, and deed. He
will be more willing and able to give you the love and affection you need if he is respected and admired. When I began to respect my
husband, he was skeptical at first. However as he saw that I was committed to change, he began to treat me differently—lovingly. We
now teach at couples’ events, helping others discover the blessings of true love in action.
Ask the Lord to strengthen you as you obey His word.
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
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 Life is hard. Couples make thousands of choices every day that essentially put a drain on their relationships. It’s easy to
daydream about a life outside the struggles of marriage to greener, happier times. After all, the newness of dating is
exhilarating, exciting, and refreshing. But what happens when that newness wears off? The same issues will once again
arise—only this time with someone different. Shall we continue down the path of infidelity every time something difficult
happens in our marriage?
Nancy hit it right on the nail when she said, “Marriage is both difficult and effortless, magnificent and excruciating,
blissful and tedious.” There simply isn’t a relationship on earth more rewarding than a good marriage. But good marriages
take work, and with life’s many distractions, that work can often go ignored.
In Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome ,
you’ll discover the “lame excuses” one makes to legitimize adultery, you’ll learn the warning signs that tell you your
marriage is in trouble, and you’ll discover truths that can not only prevent infidelity, but restore worn and tired
relationships back to the luster of new and refreshed relationships—heck if you follow Nancy’s advice, you may find your
marriage is better than it’s ever been!
If you’re looking to save your marriage, or simply want to make it stronger, check out Avoiding The Greener Grass Syndrome
today.
Order Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome: How to Grow Affair Proof Hedges Around Your Marriage, today!
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About The Author:
Nancy C Anderson is an author and speaker who encourages couples to “fall in like” with each other. Nancy and her husband, Ron,
often speak at couples’ banquets and retreats. They share their marriage testimony “The Death and Resurrection of our
Marriage” and the Biblical principles of guarding our hearts and protecting our marriages.
Visit her at RonAndNancyAnderson.com
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