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There are thousands of self-help books on the topic of choosing to be happy, despite one’s circumstances and yet I see more and more people, on a regular basis, in my practice who are unhappy in their lives. And they are unhappy because they are still trying to find happiness from any- and every thing, but themselves.

The problem lies in the messages received and internalized over a lifetime. You see, if you were raised in the modern, western part of the world you grew up under the guise that happiness comes in the form of material possessions like a beautiful house and expensive cars, or in status like an important position or highly paid salary, or in people like children and social gatherings. If you were raised to believe that in order to be happy you had to have all these things, it would be impossible to find happiness outside of your circumstances. And it will be quite a chore to change that perception.

Your parents could have done a wonderful job raising you and emphasizing how easy it is to be truly happy, but the media (radio, television, Internet, advertisements, etc.) was still telling your brain something different.

With that kind of misconception, there’s no way to ever be completely happy. Those who achieve the "American Dream" spend their entire lives obtaining more material goods and still find themselves dissatisfied and unhappy. Those who are less fortunate find themselves bombarded feelings of inferiority, of self-pity, of feeling “less than” and that deception makes them angry and more anxious about discovering the road to happiness. Neither of these situations is healthy, neither of these situations are an accurate representation of true happiness.

One of the hardest things for my coaching clients to do is to let go of the past and start embracing the present for what it is right now. They often think I am speaking another language because it doesn't seem possible to them—at first. But it is!

You can be truly happy. You can find contentment in your circumstances. You can find peace regardless of where you are right now. And you can do that by not putting pressure on yourself to achieve certain goals in order to be happy, by realizing that your circumstances don't have a lot to do with your happiness, and by coming to the conclusion that WHO you are is more important than what you own, how much money you make, or what position you hold.

When you know what your values are and can live your life around the things that are MOST important to you then happiness will follow. Once you know your personal values and not the values society has placed on you, once you know the direction you want to follow and develop a strategy for following that direction, living YOUR ideal life will be easy.

They key is to concentrate on who you and what you want, not your circumstances.

You need to strengthen your inner resources such as courage, optimism, humility, humor, intuition, acceptance and forgiveness. And you can do that by learning to listen to yourself first and to others, second. Know what you want in life and reach for it. Learn to only accept advice, from others, that is in relation to where you want to go in life. And instead of concentrating on what’s missing in your life or what you’re not getting, focus on loving yourself and those around you—unconditionally. Unconditional love is the centerpiece of your life.

And finally, always remember that your reaction to what's happening to you is actually causing your stress and feelings of unhappiness. True happiness goes beyond possessions, beyond status, and beyond life's constant ups and downs. It is not just a temporary feeling you get from buying something new or landing a new job.