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Do rude people really intend to be that way, or does it just come naturally to them? And how can we Christian women handle verbal
insults with grace? If we “take” them without a fight, do we look like doormats? Or do we come out looking and feeling stronger?
These are the thoughts I pondered as I left the worst baby shower ever.
The hostess of the shower, Melody, had been gracious enough to allow her husband’s ex-wife to use her home for Judy’s baby shower.
Judy was the daughter of Melody’s husband and his ex-wife, Patricia. Patricia lived out of state, and she could not afford to
reserve a restaurant for the party. Melody and Patricia did not like each other, but they were civil to each other at family
gatherings. It was a difficult situation for all family members concerned. The tension could be cut with a knife.
I tried to choke down some dinner as I survived an attack on my intentions to home school my first-born child, who was of age to be
registered for kindergarten. It was actually the first time the subject had been brought up in this group. I tried to reply in
such a way as not to offend the older women, who had sent their children to public school. I almost laughed when someone asked,
"What about socialization?", because I had just been reading a book on the topic.
"Do my girls look like they need lessons on how to get along with people?," I asked. My three- and four- year-old girls were
chatting up a storm with the other girls.
"Hmmm," the lady pondered.
Another women said, "I’m just worried that they won’t grow up like everyone else, with a common background."
"Is that such a bad thing? I’m sorry that you’re worried," I replied.
"Oh, I didn’t mean..."
I was actually quite relieved when the women's attention was diverted by an outrageous statement.
A pert-faced mother, whom I shall dub "Perty", entered the den. She stood with her hands on her hips and declared to Melody,
"My daughters could NOT believe how SMALL your yard is! They're used to playing in a big yard with lots of grass and trees.
When they opened your back door [onto the astro-turf], they said, THIS is a YARD?"
Stunned, Melody paused, smiled graciously, and replied, "Yes, well, we've had many happy memories in our small yard."
I was in awe of how easily she did this. It must have come from years of practice. Proverbs 10:32 says,
“The lips of the righteous know what is fitting, but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse.”
Was Perty really being intentionally malicious? Only she and God can be the judge of that. Perhaps she was as uncomfortable as
every else, and spoke without thinking first. She certainly could not have been happy within herself, to be able to speak to the
hostess in such an uncomplimentary manner. If she had intended to provoke an angry response, it had not worked.
Then it was time to open gifts. This went on for quite a long time. I yearned for coffee. The women o-o-o-h'd and a-a-ah'd at my
handmade picture frames. I was feeling quite proud of myself. Then someone commented, "Why don't we open those cookies?"
Being a relative, I figured I would lend a hand. I untied the ribbon enclosing the cellophane around the scrumptious cookie
platter, displaying mounds of confection upon a flat, scallop-edged cardboard plate. Carefully, I carried my cargo through the
kitchen into the living room.
Perty was taking out the garbage. Balancing the platter on my left hand, I removed the cellophane. I was handing the wrapping to
Perty when - OOPS - the platter went non-horizontal and ALL the cookies slid onto the rug.
"Oh, I am so-o-o sorry!" I cried.
"Don't feel bad," consoled Melody, "It could happen to anyone."
"I don't think you can ever be embarrassed after having given birth," I joked, my cheeks burning nonetheless.
Judy’s sister, who had bought the cookies, gave me a dirty look, as if I had intended to ruin the dessert. She quickly scooped
them onto another plate and put them out. Unknowingly, people actually ate them.
I sat down and was just beginning to enjoy myself when Perty came up to me and said, "You may be a klutz, but you've got talent."
The words of Proverbs 15:1 whispered in my head, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” I chose to
answer only to the tribute to my crafting ability.
"Thank you very much," I replied, unaffectedly.
After she walked away, Melody’s daughter commented, “Talk about an off-handed complement!”
“Oh, I hadn’t thought of it that way,” I replied.
From another corner, the hostess' unofficious best friend roared, "We're taking up a collection for a bigger yard!"
I hoped the “other side of the family” did not hear that. I also hoped that Judy was unaware of the unspoken hostility throughout
the room, feelings that had nothing to do with her.
As I left, carrying out a few trays of leftovers, Perty pulled her two girls out of my way. "Watch out," she stage-whispered.
"Yeah, she might drop something else," laughed her youngest.
“Like mother, like daughter,“ was the comment in my head.
Psalm 141:3 kept me quiet. “Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.”
I gave my best smile to the three of them and left.
By receiving unwelcome words with a smile, and replying with kind words, we accomplished several objectives. We were able to
survive the day with dignity, we set a good example of Christian behavior, we kept the family peace, and we left Judy with memories
of a nice baby shower.
“A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” - Proverbs 25:11
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About The Author:
Elizabeth Kathryn Miller is the homeschooling mother of three children ages 3, 5, and 7 and the co-founder of
Homeschool ED-Ventures, a Long Island Homeschooling Field Trip group.
* This article is available for your publication, for a F-E-E.
This article may NOT be reprinted without monetary compensation and written permission from the author.
For reprint rights or comments/questions about this article, please contact the author.
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