My grandfather likes to say that there are two things in life you can rely on: death and taxes. While one concentrates on taking our
money, the other gives us money—that is, if you’re a eulogy writer.
A eulogy is a speech about a recently deceased person, given at the deceased’s funeral. As you can imagine, the family is often too
distressed to think clearly and while one of them may want to give a eulogy, none of them may feel clear-headed enough to compose
something respectful and worthwhile.
This is where a professional eulogy writer comes onto the scene. A eulogy writer can help grieving family express their deepest and most
heartfelt feelings in the most eloquent manner.
But wait!
Before you start scanning the deceased notices in the local newspaper or start calling funeral homes to see if someone is in need of a
eulogy writer, here are few tips to remember:
Time Is Short
Eulogy writing is fast moving and often has short deadlines. And, it’s often very stressful. Most deceased are buried just days after
their deaths—unless the death is suspicious and the police are involved; therefore relatives may arrive the night before the funeral
asking for a complete eulogy and then stick around to harass you for hours.
I remember one client who, in between hysterical sobbing, felt it necessary to sit next to me in my office and ask if she could read
what I had written every fifteen minutes! This can not only be distracting, but irritating. Yet, you can never, ever snarl and say:
“I'll be finished when I'm finished. Just shut up!” I know, it's sometimes fashionable to be a grumpy, moody writer who "needs space to
create". But it’s not appropriate in this job!
One thing to keep in mind is that your clients are grieving. They are mourning and need a large amount of tact and respect from you—no
matter how much they pester you. A large amount of diplomacy and kindness is definitely called for.
Eulogy Writing Is Hard Work
You will quickly learn that eulogy clients are very demanding people. And though they know the point they want to get across, the
feelings they want to express, and the details of every memory in their minds, they aren’t always able to express themselves in a way
that helps you write what they’re feeling.
Eulogy clients are also indecisive. They are constantly unsure of the eulogy you’ve written—even if you’ve written exactly as requested.
They’re often afraid the eulogy is not worthy of the deceased’s memory. That, of course, means a lot more rewrites and last minute
edits.
Don't Be Afraid To Charge A Fair Fee
Some people react in shock when I tell them what I charge as a eulogy writer. Some have even gone as far as saying, “You’re taking
advantage of mourning people!”
But this is a business and businesses have bills to pay, too. Besides, it is last minute work, which means you’re dropping everything to
get the job done. Charging $200 for the first draft and $50 per hour for changes, edits, revisions, and entirely new drafts is not only
fair but it’s a respectable wage.
So don't charge $10 and a McDonalds Happy Meal! Besides, I’ve discovered that charging a substantial fee is strangely comforting to the
family of the deceased because it makes them feel as though they are receiving top quality work.
Know What The Client Wants
Before you begin interviewing or writing your first draft, make sure you know what your client wants. Ask the client (or family) what
tone he wants you to use: humor, serious, solemn, a little of both?
If your client is indecisive, don't be afraid to offer suggestions. Receiving constructive suggestions can make the client feel you
really care about your assignment and the deceased.
Involve The Family
Unless the deceased was well-known by you, you will need the co-operation of the family to help write the eulogy. The best way to do
this is to interview the relatives, so sit down with a notebook and/or tape recorder and ask a lot of questions (but nothing too
personal and obtrusive).
Ask questions like:
- What is your favorite memory of ___?
- Did ___ ever teach you a life lesson?
- What was your favorite memory of ___?
- What do you remember ____ enjoying most and why?
- Do you have any funny stories with ______?
Definitely adapt your questions to fit the theme or mood of the eulogy you’ve been asked to write.
Ask to see photographs. Not only can photographs help comfort the grieving family, but they often spark memories. Ask anything that
helps you to build an accurate picture of the deceased.
Keep It Short
Long eulogies are too hard on the guests and the speaker. Never let your eulogy go over fifteen minutes. It may not sound long, but
when you are a grieving relative sitting in a church, fifteen minutes is more than enough.
Keep it short, sweet, and snappy. The mourners will appreciate it.
Poetry Hits The Spot
Ever since that famous scene from the movie, Four Weddings and a Funeral,
(where a WH Auden poem is quoted: "We thought our love would last forever, I was wrong") I have always been a fan of including poetry in
eulogies.
Poetry is eloquent. Poetry carries emotion. Poetry describes situations perfectly. And the right poem is guaranteed to get at least one
person in the pews crying.
Make The Words Immortal
Eulogies may last just as long as the funeral, but the words will live on forever. You can ensure the deceased’s life is memorable and
that his/her memory is never forgotten by writing the best eulogy possible.
How do you know if your eulogy is ready to be read? Read it aloud to yourself as if you were addressing the congregation yourself. If
you're near tears by the end, you've written something good.
About The Author:
Thomas Bosch lives and works in Würzburg, Germany where he gets inspiration from drinking infinite cups of tea, watching endless
re-runs of Star Trek
and countless re-reads of Sherlock Holmes.
Visit him at http://www.camelotonline.net
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